How and Why?
by Mary Kate113
Summary: Charlie's thoughts during the President's and Josh's surgeries after the shooting. JoshDonna CharlieZoey.


Title: How and Why?  
Summary: Charlie's feelings after Rosilyn. Authors Note: this is the first West Wing Fanfic that I've posted so please be kind, but don't be afraid to tell me if it sucks. it's a Charlie/Zoey fic as well as Josh/Donna with Charlie and Josh friendship. I know it kind of a tough subject that I'm writing about and I'm sorry if it offends anyone, for that is not my intention. I merely wish to write a story that others enjoy reading.  
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em so don't sue me. I don't have any money so it really wouldn't be worth your time. Unless you would like to pay the debt I owe my parents. Which you are welcome to do by the way. 

Charlie's POV

How is it that a member of the senior staff, not to mention the President of the United States gets shot, because some ass whole doesn't like that I'm dating Zoey. I realize that I'm black. I'm not dumb; I know there are people in the world that don't like that I'm dating Zoey. The fact that I work for the president and she's the first daughter doesn't help. But why is it that I'm not the one hurt? Or Zoey even? Why does it have to be people that can't help the way we feel about each other?

I'm sitting in the waiting room at the hospital staring at the people who surround me. There's Zoey, the First Lady, CJ, Leo, Donna, Toby, and Sam. We're all waiting to see if the people we care about are going to be okay. The President's surgery started a few hours ago and should be finishing up soon, but Josh's is estimated to go for much longer. Donna hasn't said a word since she arrived and was told about the situation. She's sitting on a couch, in the fetal position. She hasn't moved for over an hour. She's staring at the wall, and no one has even attempted to talk to her since Toby told her about Josh. I can't blame her for being distraught. I can't blame other people for not trying to console her, for I haven't either. There are no words that can help her right now. None. She is in love with a man that could very possibly die, and she can't talk to him, and tell him that she loves him.

Zoey has her head rested against my shoulder and my hand is on her thigh. We're both feeling equally guilty at this moment. Neither of us has said the words, but somehow we both just know. We just got news that the President made it out of surgery and is in recovery. Doctor's say he will be just fine. I'm thankful. If the President had been assassinated, I'm not sure that Zoey and I would know how to continue our relationship after that. Even if Josh doesn't make it, I don't think our relationship could have a happy ending. Because we would feel obligated to be together, because someone we both care for died for our cause. But he is going to make it. He's going to be just fine and when he's well enough he's going to give me crap for even having these thoughts, and for that matter so is the President.

It's been 9 hours since Josh has gone into surgery and he was supposed to be done an hour ago. Mrs. Bartlet found a way to let Donna observe the surgery. She hasn't come back yet. She's been gone for 3 hours and I know she is watching Josh and willing him to live. We are all willing him to live. They also caught one of the guys who was a part of it. He will be charged with countless accounts of attempted murder, as well as attempted assassination of the President of the United States. Zoey and Mrs. Bartlet were able to see the President and came back with reports that he is just fine, and there were no complications from the anesthesia so he was to be moved into a regular room. Well as regular a room as the President of the United States can have. Which means he probably has the whole ward to himself.

12 hours after his surgery has started and he's still in there. Its now been four hours longer than doctors expected. Even though the First Lady has assured us a number of times that surgeries often go over the estimated time, all of us are thinking the same thing, though none of us are willing to say it out loud. Donna came back about an hour ago from observing the surgery. She's back on the couch and in the fetal position. Though to her credit she has not cried. I don't think she's willing to cry until we have definite information on how he is. And then I'm sure she will cry either way. Either out of sadness because we have lost him, or out of relief because we finally know that he will be okay. And at that point I'm sure we all will shed a few tears.

14 hours. His surgery lasted for 14 hours. 6 hours over the estimated time. But Josh is all right. He's critical right now, but the doctor said that he will be all right. After the doctor left Donna walked off to the lady's room. She wasn't willing to let the rest of us see her tears. Zoey followed her to the lady's room to show her support. I will never know the words the two have said but I will know the feelings that both of them will share with each other. Zoey will express her guilt for both her father and Josh's predicaments, and Donna will say that it is not her fault and no one would ever blame her. Donna will say that she was scared today. More scared than she has ever been in her life, because today she could have lost the man she loved and he would have never known it.

Thirty minutes later they both came back with blood shot eyes and tear stained faces.

Every member of the senior staff stayed the entire length of both of the surgeries. Mrs. Bartlet attempted to force everyone to go home and get some rest, but no one budged. Everyone knows that it could have just as easily been one of them in that room, and because of that fact we all stayed. Its 2 hours later and Leo, CJ, and Toby have all left. The rest of us stayed because we didn't know what else to do. It didn't seem right to go to work, or go to sleep. So we stayed in our semi-conscious stages and showed our support. Leo, CJ, and Toby wanted to stay with us as well, but someone had to run the country. CJ's briefing was 20 minutes ago. She made a statement then answered questions, if it hadn't been for the fact that the topic was regarding the shooting, it would have been completely normal.

Donna is now resting with her head in Mrs. Bartlet's lap. Everyone is glad to see that, for we all know that it is very unlikely that she will go home in the next few days. She will refuse to leave Josh, and because of it she won't have a good nights rest for at least a few weeks.

Now 18 hours after Josh and the President were shot, Josh is being moved to the ICU. It is 1pm and Sam, Donna, and I are still here. Zoey and Mrs. Bartlet went to visit the President again, and he convinced them that they should go back to the white house and sleep. Josh is finally able to have visitor's and is actually awake and able to speak, though granted he is drugged.

Donna is the first to visit him, and her first words to him should be "I love you." but I know they aren't. They aren't because he survived, and now she thinks that she was feeling that way because she came so close to loosing her best friend.  
He's only allowed to receive visitors one at a time for a maximum of 15 minutes. Then the next visitor can come in 30 minutes after that so he has time to rest. I'm the next visitor.

When it's my turn, I'm scared shitless. In my mind he's going to be mad at me for being the reason he was shot, and although I know in my heart that that would not happen, my mind still believes it. I walk into his room with sweaty palms, and it reminds me of the first time I met the President. I don't really know what to say, but for some reason I know I will apologize.

"Hey" I hear him whisper. For some reason I thought he would look and sound like he was healthy, but he doesn't. He is unnaturally pale, and he's hooked up to many monitors and IV's, as well as an oxygen mask.

"Hey man. How you doing?" I'm not sure why I asked the question. I'm thinking it was more out of habit than anything else.

"Well, I'm doing pretty good, all things considering." And that's when I know I will not be blamed, because he is still the old Josh.

"I'm really sorry."

"You think this is your fault?" He asks and all I can do is nod my head and not make eye contact.

"Unless you had a hit put out on me I don't see how I'm supposed to blame you for this." He paused gathering his strength for the lecture he was about to give. Then I have a thought that makes me smile. 'He would make a good president, he's good at the lectures.'

"The people who shot at us were members of a white supremacy group, right?" Even though it's a question I know it's not one I'm meant to answer. "Don't you think they knew who the people were that they were shooting at? They may not have gotten who they were aiming for but they still got a Jew, as well as people that would make you and Zoey second guess your feeling's for each other. They knew who they were shooting at, and they knew it would hurt you guys. So do me a favor Charlie, don't let these guys win. Don't let what happened break you and Zoey up. But on the other hand don't let it force you to stay together. You and Zoey live your life as if this event never happened, don't let it dictate your future. And never apologize for living your life, and being with the woman you love."

By the end I could tell he was fading, and that I should let him get his rest. I had tears in my eyes from the words he had just spoken, so I couldn't speak in return without fear of my voice cracking. I gave him a hug. The only gesture I could manage that would show my appreciation for his support. Then I left.

I went to the White House to see the woman I love, and to tell her that I love her. For the first time, I was not scared who heard my confession or who saw us together, I was simply happy that we were together.


End file.
